Why I Love the Olympics

Notice something about the 2nd guy from the left?



Looks like someone was really excited to win the bronze!

10 (possibly true or not) Reasons Mack Hasn't Posted in a While.

10.  Working too hard.




9.  Too much nude hiking.




8.  Too much nude beaching.

If he's there, I'm there!

7.  Busy with lots of wild sex.

A man can dream, can't he?

6.  Alien abduction.




5.  Major remodeling project.



4.  The Olympics are on!

Need I say more?

3.  Writer's Block




2.  Pondering the mysteries of life.



1.  Too lazy.



Seriously folks, a month is too long.  I'll get on another post soon.

Shades of Grey

No, this is not a post about bondage, or the popular book.  I've been thinking about this, watching the national political rhetoric over the last few weeks, as well as the rhetoric that comes out of the religious right.  This isn't about any issue or experience, specifically.  Rather, it's just a rumination of something I've been thinking about lately.

It seems to be a human phenomenon to always try to view the world in right or wrong, black or white.  The unfortunate thing is that the world does not work that way.  The world really works in shades of grey.  The world is complex and people are complex.  One size never fits all.

We set up rules for good reasons.  They exist to keep order, promote justice, and ensure peace.  The problem is when the same rules that were put there to protect us, turn into weapons used to harm us.  This seems to be the constant issue with Jesus and the pharisees.  They followed the rules to a tee, but to a point of using them to harm others.


We have rules about a lot of things.  We have rules that govern nudity, sexuality, and behavior.  Although some have been codified into law, these rules are general enforces socially more than legally.  These rules were begun for good reasons, but sometimes they can be problematic.

The first problem with rules is that sometimes they are outdated.  For instance, despite what society does in reality, there is still an understanding that sex is for marriage.  We know that few people actually wait until marriage to have sex, but at some level, we still expect them to.  Where did this notion come from?  It's not really in the Bible; it's a social norm.  Several hundred years ago, this made a lot of sense.  People reached puberty around age 15, and got married around age 17.  After that, one could expect a long and full life of 45 years.  On top of that, there was little effective birth control.  So for a number of reasons, waiting until marriage to have sex made a lot of sense.  And, it made little sense to have sex when not married.  Today, due to environmental factors, puberty has been pushed up by two or three years, and marriage has been pushed back 10 to 15 years.  This leaves a person with twenty years between sexual maturity and marriage.  With effective birth control now, it makes little sense for people to wait until marriage.  And yet, the rule persists.


The second problem with rules is that they are applied equally to all people.  This is fine, but what happens when a person is inevitably exceptional?  Going back to our marriage and sex rule, that leaves out a significant chunk of the population.  No rules even exist for those who are gay or bi, so the have to be improvised, and excluded from sex altogether.  This isn't even realistic.  "It's ok to be gay, and not just act gay" is basically saying that you don't fit into our rule, so you have to become a square peg in a round hole for the sake of the rules. 

The third problem is the lack of flexibility.  Several months ago, televangelist (and, horrible human being) Pat Robertson recommended a man with a wife who had severe Alzheimer's should divorce his wife and remarry, so he could have a sexual outlet.  This again assumes sex can only happen in marriage.  In this case, it sacrifices the institution of marriage for the sake of keeping sex as a part of marriage.  Could the rules not be bent for this man?  Could he not have a sexual relationship, while maintaining care for his beloved spouse? 

The example of sex in marriage is a powerful one, because people have had to bend and contort themselves for centuries in ways that are damaging to maintain this one.  However, the problematic rules are not limited to this one.  We are so rigid about immigration laws, that in the name of fairness, we break up families.  We are so rigid about drug laws, that we have a disproportionate amount of poor and minority men in prison for minor offenses. 

The worst part about seeing the world in black and white is that this promotes secrecy.  This is where the rules hit home for me.  Your friend Mack has a lot of secrets.  You know most of my secrets, but you don't know a lot about me otherwise.  I try to be as open as I can with as many people as I can, but I simply cannot be open about my whole self with the whole world.  To fit into a black and white world, I cannot be who I am.  Being married and bisexual carries a societal stigma.  Being a nudist carries a societal stigma.  These are social liabilities, and they are professional liabilities.  Because I must fit into a black and white world, I cannot live honestly in those shades of grey. 

I have been blogging for well over a year now, and I feel like I have developed good friendships through my blogging.  I have been able to reconcile and explore an awful lot of who I am by the feedback I get and reading about others' experiences.  But, to a certain degree, I'm in the same place I was last March.  Last week, I was talking to my therapist about my frustrations with these things and she pointed out to me that in the time she's been seeing me, nothing has changed.  I am still frustrated with my attraction to men, and I have no outlet, nor a sign of one.  I have to live in fear that someone will find out that I walk naked in the woods, or that the nice guy you know at work turns out to be the one spilling his guts on this blog.  

The rules that I live by are stifling, and as much as I would like to find an out, I just cannot see where that is.  Either, I break the rules, or they will break me.  I have to live somewhere in the grey.  I am a human being, who is complex and not rigid.  My needs are different than yours and yours are different than the person sitting next to you.  What do I do?  Do I live by rules that are not made for me, or do I break them and be who I am?

Back to the Beach

For several years now, I've hit up the nearby nude beach starting early in the season.  Between being out of town, busy, and having done other nude activities, we've not been able to make it.  Finally, this weekend, we got to hit the nude beach.



I am finding that I am not much of a beach person.  For starters, it's a hike to get there from where we live, and it's the closest beach area to us.  Traffic is hell, the Parkway is hell.  So, by the time we get there, we want to be anywhere but traveling.  Yet, there's a considerable hike to get from the parking lot to the beach, and then more of a hike to get to the clothing-optional area.  Once you get there, there's only so much laying out and swimming you can do.  Nonetheless, I have developed a real love of lying nude in the sun and swimming nude in the ocean.  There's nothing like it - well, except any other outdoor nude activity.

Normally, we go early in the morning, but this time, we made an afternoon trip to catch the heat of the day.  This isn't the first time we've gone in the afternoon, but the afternoon crowd is a lot different than the morning crowd.  In the morning, you usually see people over 50, and families with small children.  In the afternoon, there are a lot more younger people and a lot more people who are a little over the top.  I overheard someone talking about breaking up some couple frolicking in a tent.  There was a guy, who looked to be in his 60's with Groucho Marx glasses on his dick.  People were smoking weed.  And, for the first time, in the nearly twenty times that I've gone to this beach, I finally saw a boner.  The funny part about it was that the guy was small enough, I had to take a second glance to realize he was sporting wood.  He was small, even for being hard. 

 

At the same time as the strange crowd, the people were just as friendly as always.  I chatted it up with a few other fellow nudists.  This is one nice thing anyone who has been to any nudist place is that people really have nothing to hide, and act like it.  It really is the friendliest beach I've ever been to, and was this time as well.

While I do admit that I'm not a big beach kind of guy, I was enjoying my time there.  Mrs. Mack, however, was not.  She was getting bored.  I get that.  Once you've taken a couple of walks, swam and tanned, there's really not much else to do.  There is a difference between going to a nude resort and beach.  Other naturist places do offer a lot more activities.  Whereas a beach is just a beach.  After having been there for two hours, I probably could have stayed a while longer, but my wife was getting antsy.  I told her, "I'm not ready to leave yet, but I can see that you are."  Then, she said in a playful tone with a smile, "You know, we don't have to put our clothes back on when we get home."  

The funny thing about my wife is that I can look at nice asses, cocks, perfect breasts, and anything else all day, but nothing gets me hard, like when she's playful.  Of course, this is a problem when you're at a nude beach.  I started getting a little chub, and I had to roll onto my belly for a minute.  I agreed that we could get going and head home. 

 

After the long drive back home, we unloaded the car.  She said she was getting hungry.  I know my wife well enough to know that if she has a full stomach, there will be no sex in our future.  So, I suggested we hit the shower before dinner.  We both climbed into the shower, and started to lather up.  She began kissing me, and I was getting really turned on again.  We got out of the shower, and I suggested we head back into the bedroom.  We did.  I laid down on the bed, and saw that she started getting dressed.  "What are you doing?" I asked.  "I told you, I'm hungry."  She replied.  I said back, "I thought you wanted to spend the night naked."  "That's tonight.  It's still early.  You don't have to get dressed, though."  

I grumbled a little bit more.  She said she wouldn't want to have sex on an empty stomach.  So, I said forget it.  I decided not to get dressed, though, and I went downstairs and made us dinner.  After dinner we watched a movie.  The movie, although a comedy, was kind of depressing, and it ended with the couple getting divorced.  This was not exactly a great turn-on.  Even though, I had made dinner, she asked me to do the dishes, which I reluctantly did.  Then, as she was heading up the stairs, she said, "Make sure you let the dog out."  I kind of lost it.  "You're dressed, and I'm not!"  I said.  "Well," she replied, "I don't have a bra on."  Then, I got a little more angry: "You've got to be fucking kidding me!  I don't have anything on."  She then said something to the affect of how if I wanted to have sex, I would do it.  I was getting really pissed and felt very manipulated, but since she already went upstairs, and the dog was standing by the back door with eyes as big as saucers, I grabbed a pair of pajama pants and let him out.  

When I got back inside, I went upstairs.  Mrs. Mack was lying naked on the bed, but the look on her face looked more like she was upset.  She must've seen the look on my face, reacting to her expression.  She asked what was wrong.  I told her that her expression looked like she wasn't looking forward to having sex.  "I'm just not horny!" she exclaimed.  We then proceeded to have the biggest fight I can ever remember us having.  I told her how I felt manipulated.  She said she didn't understand how I interpreted what she had said on the beach as her wanting to have sex.  She told me how I don't have any self-esteem and I'm wasting my time with therapy.  I told her that I have no self-esteem because of the shitty way I've been treated by her and every other woman in my life.  She told me that she's worried one day she'll leave me.  Back and forth, back and forth it went.  Needless to say, we managed to stay up and not go to bed angry, but we were both pretty hurt.

I can't say we were much better this morning.  We both apologized for the fight, but I'm still reeling. 

Checking In

I just thought I'd check in.

 

I've been out of town for a few weeks, and I didn't want anyone to think I've died.   I had a good vacation, but it was busy.  I don't have too much to report.  I have a lot of catching-up to do on my blogger brothers.  I'll try and post something more substantial sooner than later.  In the mean time, let me know how you're doing.  Post something, or shoot me an email.  I miss you guys.

Another Nude Adventure

This weekend, Mrs. Mack and I went back to our favorite nudist camp.  The weather was mostly beautiful.  I mentioned a few posts ago, that our friends Sarah and Dean had intended on going with us, but unfortunately they weren't able to go.  I don't think Mrs. Mack was really comfortable with it, anyway. 


The two of us, headed up there on Friday, and immediately stripped down and set up camp.  As we were pitching a tent (hehehe), our neighbors - an older couple camping about 50 feet from us - came over and introduced themselves.  They were very pleasant and friendly, and then politely excused themselves to let us finish setting up camp. 

After getting things set up, we set out on the hiking trails.  It was good to be back in the woods in the nude again.  Some of the trails were pretty tough and we ended up really breaking a sweat.  So, afterwards, we decided to head down to the pool and bar area to cool off.

We had a couple of drinks and laid out by the poolside.  I was much more into the pool than Mrs. Mack, who just wanted to lay out in the sun and tan.  At one point, as I was swimming, she came down the the pool and got in.  I did the mature thing, and swam under water, grabbed her feet and pulled her under.  When we both came up out of the water, she said to me, "Why don't we go back to the camp and have a little fun?"  At this point, I realized I couldn't get right out of the pool, because I had the biggest raging boner.  After things subsided, we walked back to our campsite, drying out in the sun. 

When we got to the camp, we realized our neighbors were having friends over for dinner, and it seemed a little awkward to get frisky with the sound protection of canvas and people so close.  We opted to make dinner instead.  I got the fire going, and cooked burgers over the open flames.  Once we were done, Mrs. Mack and I were sitting there, and I said, "I think I'm a little sleepy.  I may need a nap."  She asked if I was actually sleepy or coming onto her.  I told her maybe a little of both. 

I doused the fire.  We went into the tent and quietly laid down, still with the voices of the neighbors quite audible.  We began to cuddle, then kiss.  We then proceeded to have the best sex that we've had in really long time.  I had forgotten that my wife was a little bit of an exhibitionist, and found the closeness of other people a turn-on.  Once we were finished, we did actually have a short nap, wrapped in each others arms. 

The nap was pretty short-lived due to it still being in the heat of the day, and the noise from the neighbors' camp.  We got back up, and went back to the pool and bar area for the evening.


That night, we went back to the camp.  Mrs. Mack went to bed.  I got the fire going again, and sat there for a while in the dark looking at the fire.  There was something very primeval this.  My naked ass feeling the grass beneath, as I was poking the fire with a stick.  One of the things I love about being in the nude, especially outdoors is the groundedness and spirituality to it.  It's like a meditation on the way humankind was made and always longs for.  Eventually the fire went out, and I went to bed. 

The next morning, we got up and around.  It turns out Saturday is the day that the younger people show up.  There were 20-30-somethings all around.  We first had breakfast, and then we decided to take advantage of a free yoga class.  This is just another bonus to the nudity as spirituality side of all this.  I was in the very back row.  My wife was in front of me to the right.  The space right in front of me was empty, which worked well, because I could see what the instructor was doing.  About 20 minutes into the class, a very handsome late-20's strapping lad plopped his naked ass right in front of me.  The downside was I could no longer see the instructor.  The upside...Well, you can pretty much guess.

After the class, I chatted with my handsome friend, and found out he's a regular there.  I'm surprised I never saw him before.  He seemed really nice, and was there alone. 

After the class, we grabbed lunch back at camp.  I told the Mrs. I needed a nap.  She asked me the same question about whether I was tired or coming onto her, but in a much less friendly tone.  She was back to her regular self.  She fell asleep pretty quickly.  But, between the nice views of her and my handsome friend in front of me, I needed to relieve a little tension. 

After the nap, we got up, and enjoyed more of the activities.  We were able to chat with a number of other young couples that were there.  It really excited me that I wasn't the only young nudist around.  Sadly, though, we had somewhere we had to be that evening.  So, we couldn't stay.  I reluctantly broke down camp, and we left.

It's Time for Something

You would think that my bisexuality would be the biggest sexual problem of my marriage.  You would think it would be that I was having affairs or that somehow my desire for men causes the most sexual strain at home.  My desire for men does cause some strain, but the reality is that it's mostly personal angst.  While I do share this personal angst with Mrs. Mack, it isn't the biggest sexual issue of our marriage.

The biggest issue, though, is her libido.  It is the one thing that we fight about.  It causes an immense amount of tension between us.  Her problem seems to be that she can only have sex once a week at an absolute maximum.  Generally, it's once every two weeks.  When we do have sex, she doesn't want to orgasm.  She says that if she orgasms, she does not know when the next time she will be able to have sex will be. 

In the first couple of months that we were dating, we were fucking like rabbits.  Then, it dropped off suddenly.  We talked about the sexual problems in pre-marital counseling, and nothing changed.  The only impression the counseling left on her was that the person doing the counseling kept taking my side. 

Outside of our sex life the marriage is pretty good.  We can work out most of our other differences.  For instance, I'm a very outgoing extrovert and while I am in a field that usually requires a lot of personal interaction, I work in a job that doesn't give me a lot of human contact.  I go home most days having only sat at my computer and not really talked to more that one or two people on the phone.  When I leave, I am so desperate to talk to someone, I'll stop anyone on the street to strike up conversation ("Hey Mr, you got some change?"  "No, but do you want to be my friend?")  Mrs. Mack, on the other hand, is an introvert, and works in customer service.  So she comes home and doesn't want to see anybody other than me.  The rub here is that she thinks we need to spend time together (Not to have sex, of course).  I really need to unwind with friends, and she wants me to stay home to "spend time with me".  This was causing a bit of tension, and at some point, I had to just lay down the law and say that I need to go out, and if that means she stays home and I go out, so be it.

So, this brings me back to our irreconcilable sex life.  Yesterday afternoon, I really wanted it.  She, as always, didn't.  I have to admit, that I'm really attracted to her.  She is really beautiful, but she has a terrible self-image.  She thinks she's fat - which she isn't.  She thinks she's ugly - which she most definitely is not.  We had a typical interaction around sex.  I was really horny, and she finally gave in.  BUT, she doesn't want to kiss, and she doesn't want to be touched.  She just wants me to use lube and go for it.  No foreplay.  Then, while we're having sex, she makes funny faces, comments on my facial hair and other random things that are really distracting.  I go in to kiss her and she dodges it, and then pushes me away.  I got angry, and unintentionally starting thrusting a little intensely.  Then, she got angry at me for taking my frustrations out on her.  We started arguing (we almost always argue while having sex - I hate it to no end.).  Somehow, we got past the arguing, and she ended up getting turned on and cumming.  After her explosion, she then starts pressuring me to cum.  This makes it even harder for me.  In the end, I just said "fuck this" and I got up and showered.

She acted like I was a jerk for wanting to have sex, and then not having an orgasm.  She says I always "take too long".  Um ... really?  After spending all that time tearing down my ego and doing everything humanly possible to kill my libido, and then she blames my lack of cumming on me? 

I read about couples that have sex 2 or 3 times a week.  That kind of blows my mind.  I'd be happy with once a week, especially if it didn't involve so much tension.  What really concerns me is what will happen when we have kids.  If our sex life is like this now, I can guess that it will completely disappear, then. 

I occasionally get comments on this blog about how my "problem" of being bisexual will destroy my marriage.  My bisexuality is not what's undoing things here.  Yes, I'd like to be with a man sometimes, but I'd also like to be with my wife.  I feel like she is driving me away. 

After we were dressed again, yesterday, she was more affectionate.  She was remorseful for the way she was acting.  She gave me a kiss and a hug.  It's hard to know what's going on in that brain of hers.  Why is she so cold and distant with sex and then so affectionate when she feels bad about it?

For a while, we've been talking about seeing a marriage counselor.  It's somehow my responsibility to find one, and I have to find one that suits her.  And, I have to stop seeing my therapist if we do.  I'm not sure if she will let the counseling work, but I think it's time.